she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
