I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
