I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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