I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
