Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
50% drunk capacity currently
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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