I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
