Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
