Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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