Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Found the puke drawer
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
