when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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