I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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