oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
