Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
