How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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