I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
