Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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