We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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