After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
