Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize