Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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