go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
