it was like having sex with a tree stump
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
