Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
