He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
