The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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