I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My dick has a subreddit
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
