look no pants
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
