She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
