Well apparently he's into motor boating.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
