Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
