Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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