So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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