I can tuck mytits in my pants
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
