I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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