i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
