i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
