Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
