the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
