how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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