Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
