I'm eating all of the evidence.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
