So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
All I want is dick and wine.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
