Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
