there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
