3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
