I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
