birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Randomize
