Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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