it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
