Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
