my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
i need to put some appletini on your dick
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
